When you are in a Relationship with a Sex Addict: Creating Boundaries

Creating BoImageundaries When you are in a Relationship with a Sex Addict

What are boundaries?  They are a dividing line between you and anyone else.  These lines represent physical, emotional, and spiritual limits that other people in your life may not violate.  It may help to envision a psychological fence that separates you from others in your life.  You may have different boundaries for loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and strangers, depending on the area of focus and the situation.  Boundaries are meant to protect you from physical danger, anger, hurt, fear, or any other painful emotions that you would experience if someone violated these limits.  They keep us from agreeing to things that we really don’t want to do and then feeling resentful.  They help to regulate the personal space in relationships.  With good boundaries, you’ll feel more empowered and less like a victim.

Boundaries help to keep you safe and communicate your expectations to others.  They are one way that you show respect for yourself and the other people in your life.  They help you define your “self” and establish a healthy platform for interacting with others.  Every individual has worth and deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.  Nobody deserves to be treated abusively, or lied to, or betrayed.  Learning to set boundaries is essential to letting others know that you have clear expectations for how you want to be treated.

There are usually two main parts to a boundary:

  1. The description of the unacceptable behavior, and
  2. The steps you will take if the boundary is violated.

When you describe the unacceptable behavior, you should be as specific as possible.  The steps that you will take should consider both immediate action and long term plans should the unacceptable behavior take place. 

Some behaviors are so heinous that there are definite actions that must be taken.  An example might be: If you ever hit me, I’ll call the police and press charges.  If you continue to threaten or harass me in any way, I will file for a restraining order and defend myself in whatever ways are necessary.

However, the consequences for other behaviors must take into account the circumstances of the specific situation.  For example, you might have a boundary such as:  If you miss a 12-step meeting, I’ll expect you to go to three other meetings during that week in its place.  The addict may have already attended weekly meetings without fail for 6 months and his/her car broke down earlier that day.  You might choose to not implement your stated consequence in this case because the addict has a good history of recovery and there was a very good reason for him/her to miss the meeting.  The important thing to remember is that you must remain reasonable and flexible in creating boundaries and consequences.

It’s also important to match the significance of your boundary with the severity of the consequences.  For example, you probably wouldn’t want make the boundary: If you ever lie to me, I’m going to leave this relationship.  That’s like using a bazooka instead of a fly swatter to kill a fly.  One lie is probably not a sufficient reason to end a relationship.  Also, the addict may indeed have forgotten a detail of his/her past, rather than lying to cover up something.  Addicts often lie by nature, so one slip in this area may not have been premeditated.  A better boundary would be: If you ever lie to me, and I find out about it before you tell me, I’d expect you to contemplate your actions, “confess” to the truth, and apologize.  I’d like the apology to include your plans for keeping it from ever happening again.

It may sound like a contradiction, but strong boundaries are flexible and can be easily adapted to the situation.  Boundaries are a problem when they are so rigid that they have no flexibility, or when they are so flexible that they have no power.  You have to find the right balance of reason and flexibility in setting your boundaries.

You must also keep in mind that idle threats destroy the process of establishing boundaries.  You must set boundaries that you are willing to enforce with realistic consequences.  It is easier to state your expectations and limits, but much harder to enforce them with your consequences.  If you do not enforce your boundaries, they will soon lose meaning.  Not only do you have to be willing to follow through, but also the consequences must be within your power.

Children learn at a very young age that their parents don’t really mean it if they don’t follow through with consequences.  For example, if a parent tells a child that there will be no dessert if (s)he doesn’t eat the vegetables, but then gives the child a piece of cake when (s)he didn’t even sample the vegetables, the parent is telling the child that it’s OK not to eat the vegetables (in spite of what they had said to the child).  Likewise, other people in your life learn that your boundaries can be crossed without repercussions, if you don’t enforce them.  If you tell someone that they better not call you after 9:00 PM, but then have pleasant conversations when they call at 9:30 PM, you’re essentially telling them it’s fine to call after 9:00 PM (in spite of what you said to them).  You MUST follow through with action to support your words.

Keeping in mind that addicts usually have a history of crossing boundaries, it is essential that you, as the partner, define and consistently enforce your boundaries.  This may be very difficult because in all probability you did not do this in the past.  Learning to set healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable and scary at first.  But, it is vital that you take the steps to form boundaries to protect yourself and start the process of recovery.

As a partner to a sex addict, you must establish a list of non-negotiable items that will become the core of the boundaries you create.  This list may change and evolve as time passes and you become more knowledgeable about sex addiction and your role as an enabler.  The primary purpose of these boundaries will be to provide you with safety.  However, they will also help to reduce your fear of future relapses.

The non-negotiable boundaries may include such things as:

  • no sex outside the marriage
  • no forcible intercourse
  • regular visits to the therapist
  • participation in 12-step recovery group (x number of times per week)
  • no alcohol or drug use
  • no masturbation
  • installation of a filter on all home computers
  • reading (at least x number) of books per month about sex addiction to get a better understanding of the disease

Since these are non-negotiable, the consequence may be a therapeutic separation.  However, if you’re not prepared to take such a drastic action, you shouldn’t make the threat to leave.  You might want to consider less drastic measures, such as a week on the couch, moving in with a friend, a period of celibacy, etc.

Other strong boundaries may include:

  • no contact of any kind (email, texting, blogs, facebook, phone calls, letters, meeting, etc.) with former sex partners
  • no use of pornography
  • no lying
  • a limited amount of cash spending money

These may not require such a drastic consequence as separation because situations may arise that interfere with your partner’s ability to comply.  For example, your partner may accidentally bump into the person with whom he acted out.  If this happens, you may require your partner to tell you about it within a specified period of time. 

When there’s a new disclosure or you discover the addict has slipped, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m upset and need time to think about it.”  There’s no “law” that says you must respond immediately.  In fact, it’s better to take some time to respond instead of reacting without much thought.  Form appropriate logical consequences with which you are comfortable.  The extra time you take also gives the addict time to think about what he/she has done.  However, it may also give the addict time to think of “excuses” for his/her behavior.  You must be firm and deal with the reality of what has happened, rather than be drawn into the addict’s distorted perception. 

It is important to remember that boundaries are not meant to control the addict.  They are, rather, bottom line conditions that you can tolerate.  They are meant to keep you safe and conform to your own basic principles.  You might want to ask yourself:  What am I going to get out of this boundary?  How will it affect my wellbeing?  If there isn’t a gain for you, you just might be trying to control the addict.  Although the primary purpose of a boundary is to help you, they will probably also help your partner with his/her recovery because you will no longer be enabling the addiction.

You may still love the addict, but you do not have to tolerate offensive behaviors.  If your partner should slip, remember to use your own tools: calling your sponsor, going to a 12-step meeting, prayer and meditation, journaling, slogans, etc. 

Taken From:  http://media.pccwired.org

Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

EMDR & ASAT Certified

email: LifeCounselingSolutions@gmail.com

http://www.SuzanneRucker.com

(407) 967-9313

 

 

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Why Time Doen’t Heal All Wounds

Why Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds, from Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shapiro

If we cut ourselves, unless there is an obstacle, we tend to heal.  If we remove the block, the body goes back to healing. That’s why we’re willing to let ourselves be cut open during surgery. We expect incisions to heal.

The brain is a part of the body. In addition to the millions of memory networks just described, we all have hardwired into our brains a mechanism – an information processing system – for healing. It is geared to take any sort of emotional turmoil to a level of mental health or what is called a level of adaptive resolution. This means a resolution that includes the useful information that allows us to be more fit for survival in our lives. The information processing system is meant to make connections to what is useful, and let go of the rest.

Here’s how it works: Imagine that you’ve had an argument with a coworker. You can feel upset, angry or fearful with all the physical reactions that go along with these different emotions. You can also have negative thoughts about the person and yourself. You might imagine how you’d like to exact revenge, but let’s hope you resist those behaviors; among other things they would probably get you fired. So you walk away. You think about it. You talk about it. You go to sleep and maybe dream about it. And the next day you might not feel so bad. You’ve basically ‘digested’ the experience and now have a better sense of what to do. That’s the brain’s information processing system taking a disturbing experience and allowing learning to take place. Much of it goes on during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. Scientists believe that during this stage of sleep the brain processes wishes, survival information and the learning that took place that day. Basically, whatever is important to us. The bottom line is that the brain is hardwired to do that.

After uninterrupted information processing, the memory of the argument has generally linked up with more useful information already stored in your brain. This can include past experiences you’ve had with this coworker and others. You may now be able to say, “Oh, that’s just the way John is. I’ve handled something like this before with him, and it came out fine.” As these other memories link up with the current disturbing incident, your experience of the event changes. You learn what is useful from the argument and your brain lets go of what’s not. Because the negative feelings and the self-talk are no longer useful, they’re gone. But what you needed to learn remains, and now you brain stores the memory of the event in a form where it is able to successfully guide you in the future.

As a result, you have a better sense of what you’re supposed to do. You can talk to your coworker without the intense emotional turmoil you had the day before. That’s the brain’s adaptive information processing system taking a disturbing experience and allowing learning to take place. It’s doing just what it’s supposed to do.

Sadly, disturbing experiences, whether major traumas or other kinds of upsetting events, can overwhelm the system. When that happens, the intense emotional and physical disturbance caused by the situation prevents the information processing system from making the internal connections needed to take it to a resolution. Instead, the memory of the situation becomes stored in the brain as your experienced it. What you saw and felt, the image, the emotion, the physical sensations and the thoughts become encoded in memory in their original, unprocessed form. So, whenever you see the coworker you argued with, rather than being able to have a calm chat, the anger or fear comes flooding back. You may try to manage your feelings out of self-preservation, but whenever the person appears, your distress goes up.

ImageSuzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor Certified in EMDR Therapy.  Feel free to email me at lifecounselingsolutions@gmail.com or visit my web site at http://www.SuzanneRucker.com

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EMDR: Trauma & the Brain

WHAT IS TRUMA?

There are large “T” traumas such as rape, war, assault, sexual, physical & emotional abuse, accidents (or witnessing one), natural disasters, divorce, chronic/acute illness, etc and there are small “t” traumas such as betrayal, mild forms of bullying or negative feedback, lack of proper emotional support as a child, etc.

Events happen to you that you are unable to process and you are left feeling overwhelmed, with symptoms that just won’t go away, that’s also considered a trauma response. Memories are stored in the brain and symptoms can also be experienced and felt throughout pains or aches in the body.  There is a mind-body connection and what we think and feel reflects our pains and joys through behavioral and thought patterns.  In order to heal you have to deal with the whole person, both the body and mind.  If the trauma remains unresolved, it will, many times, cause symptoms in your present life.

Following is a short list of possible symptoms from trauma:

  • Anxiety & panic attacks, avoiding anything anxiety provoking.
  • Inability to be assertive and insecurity
  • Depression
  • Sabotaging behaviors
  • Easily angered or frustrated
  • Addictions
  • Feelings of worthlessness or inadequacies or a need to be perfect
  • Poor body image
  • Suicidal and self-abusive tendencies
  • Physical illnesses
  • Flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, intrusive thoughts

WHY DOES TRAUMA CAUSE SYMPTOMS LIKE THESE?

It could be that the event was too overwhelming and frightening and you didn’t know how to process it.  Maybe there were too many things going on in your life and you were on overload at the time. Or perhaps you were too young and might not have had enough support in your life to help you sort out the situation.  You might habitually push things away that seem too painful.  Whatever the reason, because you were unable to process the event, it got locked in your brain, with all the disturbing emotions and sensations that you originally experienced unchanged.  Remembering this event, or even when you try not to remember because it’s too painful, evokes trauma symptoms. You try to keep these memories at bay and might be successful for quite a while but eventually this will catch up with you. If a traumatic memory can’t be processed when other events occur that remind you of the original traumatic event, emotions begin to emerge from the past memory network and connect to the present. You might try to protect yourself by putting it behind you, but eventually it takes fewer and fewer stimuli to activate the emotions associated with the traumatic memory.  Often the feelings become so powerful that they can take over and leave you feeling out of control. When that happens it’s like you’ve been hijacked by your emotions. Your reaction is not proportional to the present stimuli; some insignificant event can trigger an explosion.

Taken from EMDR Essentials by Barb Maiberge

HOW DOES EMDR WORK?

No one knows how any form of psychotherapy works neurobiologically or in the brain. However, we do know that when a person is very upset, their brain cannot process information as it does ordinarily. One moment becomes “frozen in time,” and remembering a trauma may feel as bad as going through it the first time because the images, sounds, smells, and feelings haven’t changed. Such memories have a lasting negative effect that interferes with the way a person sees the world and the way they relate to other people.

EMDR seems to have a direct effect on the way that the brain processes information. Normal information processing is resumed, so following a successful EMDR session, a person no longer relives the images, sounds, and feelings when the event is brought to mind. You still remember what happened, but it is less upsetting. Many types of therapy have similar goals. However, EMDR appears to be similar to what occurs naturally during dreaming or REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Therefore, EMDR can be thought of as a physiologically based therapy that helps a person see disturbing material in a new and less distressing way.

WHAT IS THE ACTUAL EMDR SESSION LIKE?

During EMDR, the therapist works with the client to identify a specific problem as the focus of the treatment session. The client calls to mind the disturbing issue or event, what was seen, felt, heard, thought, etc., and what thoughts and beliefs are currently held about that event. The therapist facilitates the directional movement of the eyes or other dual attention stimulation of the brain, while the client focuses on the disturbing material, and the client just notices whatever comes to mind without making any effort to control direction or content. Each person will process information uniquely, based on personal experiences and values. Sets of eye movements are continued until the memory becomes less disturbing and is associated with positive thoughts and beliefs about one’s self; for example, “I did the best I could.” During EMDR, the client may experience intense emotions, but by the end of the session, most people report a great reduction in the level of disturbance.

Taken from http://www.emdria.com

Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR and ASAT Certified

Suzanne would like to help her clients find happiness in life.  Are you depressed or anxious wondering how you can get through the next day? Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated?  Do you have a difficult maintaining your weight, managing your finances, coping with your own addiction or the addiction of someone else, or maybe you are having a hard time getting along with your spouse or a difficult teenager?  There is relief….The first step, which is the most difficult, is making the call to seek help and direction for a better life. Suzanne Specializes In: Relationship Problems, Recovery & Strengthening, Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Management, Sexual Addiction/Love Addiction & Co-Dependency (women & men), Addictions (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc),Trauma ,Personal/Sports/and Corporate Coaching. Clinical Training: CSAT : Suzanne is trained in sexual addictions from the prestigious IITAP institute and Patrick Carnes, EMDR (eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing): Suzanne offers this processing technique for relief from traumas, anxiety, depression, addictions, fears, phobias, and test anxiety.  EMDR can also enhance sports and speaking/professional performances, Prepare/Enrich: Suzanne can help you learn how to build stronger relationships through communication and conflict resolution skill building.  This program is ideal for premarital counseling, marriage preparation, marriage counseling, and marriage enrichment, Suzanne earned her MS in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

 

 

 

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Pornography Addiction: Crack Cocaine to the Brain


Pornography addiction usually starts out with casual viewing and progresses to an out-of-control addiction that destroys relationships, careers, families, and leads to extreme despair for the addict.  The addict needs more frequent and intense pornography to achieve the same level of satisfaction as before.  Even though the addict desires to stop, there are recurrent failures to curb and resist the impulses.  The addict finds him/herself limiting social, occupational or recreational activities in order to engage in the addiction.  Stopping pornography use will cause irritability, restlessness, depression, anxiety, headaches, and possible body aches.

Women who suspect their husband’s porn addiction report a feeling of loneliness and a lack of emotional connection with their spouse.  These women may feel they are not sexy or pretty enough and go to extremes to make themselves more sexually attractive or available.  Many times this will include engaging in sexual acts they find degrading and humiliating just to attempt to satisfy their husband’s insatiable sexual appetite.

In July, 2010 The Washington Times reports 30% of internet pornography is viewed by women.  Women can become as easily addicted to pornography as men.  Christian women are not immune to the addictive qualities of pornography.  In 2003, Today’s Christian Women reports the one in six Christian women struggle with pornography as an addiction.

You may be thinking: “What’s the big deal with viewing pornography in the privacy of my own home?  I am not exposing anyone else to what I view.”  When we visualize an object to achieve sexual gratification, we are creating barriers to connect intimately with our spouse.  Your real life mate cannot compete with the images on your computer screen.  No one can perform at that level or look like the actors do on a continual ongoing basis, nor should they.  Sex is about a healthy, loving connection with another persona, accepting all of their flaws and loving them just the way they are. This becomes extremely difficult if you have spent hours on-line watching hard-core pornography.

In Treating Porn Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner, Ph.D. we must consider the consequences of the addiction:

  • Emotionally:  Endorphins flooding the brain create an emotional state very similar to being high on drugs.
  • Relationships: Creates an environment of mistrust.  The loyalty and commitment towards one another disintegrates.
  • Family:  The needs of children are often neglected as the addict focus on self.
  • Socially:  Many times the addict will limit how close they allow people to get to them in fear they may hurt that person, or that the addiction may be exposed.
  • Spiritually:  Many addicts wonder is God really does care about them or if they are forgotten.  Spirituality diminishes during the addiction period.  Many times the addict simply pulls away from God out of shame and guilt.
  • Financially:  Forbes.com estimates a $14 Billion porn business in 2010.
  • Work/School:  Staying up late into the night creates tardiness and diminishes focus on important aspects of work or school.
  • Withdrawal Symptoms:  Can last for weeks and can include insomnia, irritability, genital discomfort or pain, headaches, anxiety and depression.
  • Sexually:  Erotic material takes away from real and fulfilling intimacy.  A person’s perception of sex becomes warped and scarred.

I May be Addicted:  Now What?

The first step in treating any addiction is recognizing that there is a problem.  Many times addicts will venture in and out of denial about the degree of their addiction.  This is why it is so important to join a 12-step group such as SA, SAA, SLAA, COSA (for the spouse) or Celebrate Recovery.  Equally important is individual therapy with a therapist trained in sexual addiction.  The therapist’s expertise will help guide you down a path of recovery and self- renewal.  Breaking free from the grips of pornography addiction can be a daunting task.  Here at Life Counseling Solutions in Longwood, Florida, we understand the difficulty you may be facing as an addict or a spouse.  Call me, Suzanne Rucker at (407) 967-9313, for an appointment towards healing and a restored relationship.

Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR and ASAT Certified

(MHC intern, CSAT candidate, EMDR trained)

Suzanne would like to help her clients find happiness in life.  Are you depressed or anxious wondering how you can get through the next day? Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated?  Do you have a difficult maintaining your weight, managing your finances, coping with your own addiction or the addiction of someone else, or maybe you are having a hard time getting along with your spouse or a difficult teenager?  There is relief….The first step, which is the most difficult, is making the call to seek help and direction for a better life. Suzanne Specializes In: Relationship Problems, Recovery & Strengthening, Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Management, Sexual Addiction/Love Addiction & Co-Dependency (women & men), Addictions (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc),Trauma ,Personal/Sports/and Corporate Coaching. Clinical Training: CSAT : Suzanne is trained in sexual addictions from the prestigious IITAP institute and Patrick Carnes, EMDR (eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing): Suzanne offers this processing technique for relief from traumas, anxiety, depression, addictions, fears, phobias, and test anxiety.  EMDR can also enhance sports and speaking/professional performances, Prepare/Enrich: Suzanne can help you learn how to build stronger relationships through communication and conflict resolution skill building.  This program is ideal for premarital counseling, marriage preparation, marriage counseling, and marriage enrichment, Suzanne earned her MS in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

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The Dark, Black Hole…Women and Depression

The Dark, Black Hole…Women and Depression

By Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR and ASAT Certified

 

            It seems like there is an epidemic of depression in women in this country.  Depression can seem like a dark hole that can hold you down and suck you under, draining the life out of you.  It can leave you powerless, unable to function even in a normal fashion.  It deprives you of your self-esteem, making you tell yourself “if I would just try a little harder, I could be a better wife, a better mother.”  Depression wants to win the battle for your life, and many times it is a daily struggle.

What are some of the causes of Depression?

            There can be many factors that bring about depression:

1.  A chemical imbalance with too little dopamine, serotonin, or other neuroreceptors; typically inherited.

2.  Addictions (drugs, alcohol, sex, food) can reset the dopamine receptors in your brain, and continued use of the addiction will be needed just to feel “normal”.

3.  Medical traumas such as surgery or a recent illness.

4.  Trauma from childhood.  This could be a single incident or chronic ongoing trauma in the form of physical, mental, or sexual abuse.

5.  Single incident trauma as a child or adult such as a natural disaster or car accident.

6.  Lack of light stimulation. 

7.  Thyroid disease.  This will manifest itself in cold hands and feed, tiredness, and a loss of hair (especially the outer eyebrows).

8.  Postpartum Depression, even years after the birth.

9.  Stress: housework, financial, kids, in-laws

10.  Dysfunctional Relationships: husband or friends who are too needy.

11.  Hormonal Imbalance in women approaching menopause or thereafter.

12.  Spiritual void

            Depression can alter your thinking, mood, and nearly every system in your body.  You feel a loss of pleasure in things that used to bring you happiness.   You may be sleeping way too much, or not nearly enough.  You can be sad one minute and screaming at someone you love the next minute, bringing you to a point of hopelessness. In order to raise your mood, you may take pills, drink alcohol, or binge on carbohydrates and tons of sugar.  It is understandable to want immediate relief.  However, relieving depression can take time and effort.

Depression Interventions (check with your doctor first)- If you are currently suicidal, call 911 NOW and get the help you need. If not for yourself, for the ones you love!

1.  You may need to see a psychiatrist for anti-depressants.  This is for those who have a genetic propensity for depression or recent medical trauma depression.

2.  Get into recovery for your addiction(s).  Addictions not only affect your mood, but they can cause great dysfunction to the family unit.

3.  See a therapist for trauma work.  Therapists who specialize in EMDR can be very beneficial in helping you reprocess and let go of traumas that are stored in you nervous system. Most people with trauma depression have no idea past hurts can stay with them and be manifested in a very detrimental way in their life.

4.  Allow sunlight to hit your skin 10 minutes a day.

5.  See a medical doctor, such as an endocrinologist, for a thyroid and hormonal check-up.  Even if your thyroid/hormones are slightly low, this can cause significant depression.

6.  Join a yoga class and learn how to meditate and deep breathe for relaxation.

7.  Become spiritually attuned.

8.  Work on your love relationship and learn effective communication and conflict resolution.

9.  Exercise for at least 30 minutes three times a week.  This is a great mood enhancer.

10.  Go out with friends and socialize. Don’t isolate (this is depression talking).

             Realize you are in a battle.  Roll up your sleeves, make yourself get out of bed and take your life back. Acknowledge your anger, loneliness and grief.  When your depression tells you “no”, fight back and say “yes”. This is a battle for your life, and you can win.

 

           

 

 

 

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EMDR Therapy – Who can benefit?

EMDR Therapy – Who can benefit?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a treatment used to “desensitize and reprocess” memories that have been stored as a result of traumatic experiences. EMDR is a considered to be a break-through therapy because of the quick and lasting relief clients feel from their emotional distress. EMDR therapy repeatedly activates opposite sides of the brain, which releases emotional experiences that have become trapped in the nervous system.

EMDR is shown to have a high degree of effectiveness in treating:

• Anxiety (trouble sleeping, worry, panic attacks, phobias)

• Depression

• Low Self-Esteem

• Overwhelming Fears

• Relationship Problems

• Loss of a Loved One

• Performance Enhancement

• Post Traumatic Stress (Rape, Robbery, Natural Disaster, Car Accident, Fire, Earth Quakes)

• Sexual, Physical, or Emotional Abuse

How Does EMDR Work?

The therapist works with a client in revisiting the traumatic experience, the feelings about the experience, and any negative thoughts or feelings. The therapist then uses bi-lateral stimulation (either eye-movement, tactile, or headphones) to activate both sides of the brain to bring about quick and vibrant images that are then processed by the stimulation bringing about relief and peaceful, resolved feelings. The relief in a single session can be compared to removing a concrete block from one’s shoulder one block at a time.

What is the Goal of EMDR?

The goal of EMDR is to help the client heal and live a peaceful existence. The therapist becomes a partner with the client facilitating healing and helping to remove blocked and unprocessed traumas bringing about relief. Here in Orlando at Life Counseling Solutions we offer EMDR to our clients for relief from emotional distress. Call me, Suzanne, at (407) 967-9313 or email me at lifecounselingsolutions@gmail.com

Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR and ASAT Certified

Suzanne would like to help her clients find happiness in life. Are you depressed or anxious wondering how you can get through the next day? Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated? Do you have a difficult maintaining your weight, managing your finances, coping with your own addiction or the addiction of someone else, or maybe you are having a hard time getting along with your spouse or a difficult teenager? There is relief….The first step, which is the most difficult, is making the call to seek help and direction for a better life. Suzanne Specializes In: Relationship Problems, Recovery & Strengthening, Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Management, Sexual Addiction/Love Addiction & Co-Dependency (women & men), Addictions (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc),Trauma ,Personal/Sports/and Corporate Coaching. Clinical Training: CSAT : Suzanne is trained in sexual addictions from the prestigious IITAP institute and Patrick Carnes, EMDR (eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing): Suzanne offers this processing technique for relief from traumas, anxiety, depression, addictions, fears, phobias, and test anxiety. EMDR can also enhance sports and speaking/professional performances, Prepare/Enrich: Suzanne can help you learn how to build stronger relationships through communication and conflict resolution skill building. This program is ideal for premarital counseling, marriage preparation, marriage counseling, and marriage enrichment, Suzanne earned her MS in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

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Is money putting a strain on your relationship; how to survive the economic crisis

Is Money Putting a Strain on your Relationship; How to survive the Economic Crisis?

Researchers have found that money is a leading cause of fighting in a relationship. Here in Orlando at Life Counseling Solutions we help couples and families talk through their financial issues and begin a financial plan that leads to harmony within the relationship. This is a real opportunity to improve your relationship.

Money issues are brought about by several different emotional factors: security, independence, self-esteem, status, power, and control. Taking a look at these emotional voids is the first step to becoming financial and emotionally healthy.

Here are some commonly asked questions:

Q. What are some differences between men and women when it comes to money?

A. Men tend to be more risky with money and use it as a way to enhance their self-esteem. Women view money as a source of security, and when the money is low women tend to become fearful.

Q. If I am thinking about marriage, what should I be looking at financially?

A. It is important to understand each others’ outstanding debts, total assets, monthly obligations and credit scores. A large debt load is a strong red flag.

Q. My partner has been out of work for some time now, how can I help him/her?

A. Recognize this is probably a temporary situation and approach this in a team fashion. Cut out things you really don’t need and devise a game plan for job searching. Recognize both of you will be under added stress during unemployment. Be a support for one another.

Q. We both bring in an income, should we both contribute to the bills?

A. Contribute a percentage based on your income. Example: partner #1 makes $60,000 a year and partner #2 makes $30,000. In this scenario partner #1 would pay twice as much towards the payment of the household bills.

Q. My wife spends more than we make. She has clothes hanging in the closet with tags still on them. What is up with that?

A. There is such a thing as a shopping addiction. Addictions create a loss of balance and rationality. All addictions are rooted in immediate gratification. There is a rush of feeling good, powerful, worthy, and free of problems while addictively shopping. The long-range, destructive implications of this behavior are temporarily ignored.

If money and finances are a strain on your relationship, there is help. Here in Orlando at Life Counseling Solutions we can help you work through a financial plan that is right for your family. Please call me, Suzanne, at (407) 967-9313 for an appointment.

About the author:

Suzanne Rucker, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, EMDR and ASAT Certified

Suzanne would like to help her clients find happiness in life. Are you depressed or anxious wondering how you can get through the next day? Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated? Do you have a difficult maintaining your weight, managing your finances, coping with your own addiction or the addiction of someone else, or maybe you are having a hard time getting along with your spouse or a difficult teenager? There is relief….The first step, which is the most difficult, is making the call to seek help and direction for a better life. Suzanne Specializes In: Relationship Problems, Recovery & Strengthening, Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Management, Sexual Addiction/Love Addiction & Co-Dependency (women & men), Addictions (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc),Trauma ,Personal/Sports/and Corporate Coaching. Clinical Training: CSAT : Suzanne is trained in sexual addictions from the prestigious IITAP institute and Patrick Carnes, EMDR (eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing): Suzanne offers this processing technique for relief from traumas, anxiety, depression, addictions, fears, phobias, and test anxiety. EMDR can also enhance sports and speaking/professional performances, Prepare/Enrich: Suzanne can help you learn how to build stronger relationships through communication and conflict resolution skill building. This program is ideal for premarital counseling, marriage preparation, marriage counseling, and marriage enrichment, Suzanne earned her MS in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

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